The Calm After the Storm – Making it Yours

The Calm After The Storm Making It Your Own

I’ll be the first to admit it, when I thought of Divorce, I shrieked. However, it finally became evident that I valued my own happiness more than all the things that came along with being married.

Fast-forward to when all is said and done………….

The Calm After the Storm – Making it Yours

Knowing the day was coming that I would finally be rid of the negativity that paralyzed me for so long was exhilarating. I remember when my countdown started. Oh, it’s only 8-9 months. It can’t be that bad.

Bad wasn’t the word. Hard as hell was.

That final week that led up to my freedom was totally crazy. The excitement of getting my own life back overwhelmed me and filled me with joy. The thought of having to pay all the bills on my own salary was a bit troublesome but I knew I was resourceful enough that I could make it happen. It definitely wasn’t enough to keep me in a toxic marriage, as some doubters thought.

I knew I made the right decision and that’s all that mattered to me. I wanted my happiness and I was going to get it.

The First Week after the Storm

Luckily, I was able to keep my house after my divorce.  My biggest concern the entire time was not to disrupt the life of my two dysfunctional rescue dogs, and of course, my own. My home is close to my job, my doctors, and my vet. I intended to live here for the rest of my life, believing I was a broken down, mid-aged woman whose only loves would be dogs for the rest of her life.

Of course, I now know that to not be true.

The first week after my home was officially turned over to me was mind-blowing! Knowing I could do whatever I wanted to my home, made it that much better.

I started with rearranging furniture, adding decor to the walls, cleaning years of negativity and cobwebs from the corners, the walls, the floors, and under furniture that had not been moved in 13 years.

I began fixing things that I dared not to before because I knew that my way was not the right way. The narcissist way.

Most recently, I felt the biggest sense of ME and my worth as I fixed my backyard gate so I could use it. The ground had grown up over it so it would open. I’m no stranger to a shovel so I got at it and voila! I can now use the gate that I had been wanting to use for so many years.

It really is the little things - The Calm After the Storm

Next, I was determined to relocate those garbage cans so I could easily maneuver them through my new-to-me gate!

But there was work to be done.

Being the water flows in this area, it’s been washed out a bit. Not to mention, my two furry kids that for whatever reason feel the need to dig to China right beside my deck. I know the hole has been there for at least a year and I finally had enough.

With my trusty shovel in hand, I began digging and relocating dirt. Enough to fill the hole and smooth out the area.

A sense of accomplishment - The Calm After the Storm

The dogs even tried lending a hand, only to be told “Go play elsewhere! I don’t need your help!”

The Calm After the Storm

And a sense of accomplishment filled my body.

The Calm After the Storm

I still have some more work to do like rerouting my gutter spout so the water doesn’t flow into this area.

I would like to lay some paving slabs so there is an even playing ground for my trash cans to sit on.

But the overall sense of knowing I did this my way and got the results I wanted without anyone hovering, yelling, or telling me I was half-assing it lit me up like a Christmas tree.

I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar

The Calm After The Storm Making It Your Own

This is the first of many things I’ll do in my yard. The interior is coming along nicely. Mending years of neglect has become a job in itself and I have no doubt I’m the person for the job.

I’m a firm believer in saying “It’s just the little things that make me happy”.

Do you believe me now?

Something like this you may never think twice about making someone happy.

Yet it did and it does.

I wanted to share with you that even though some may think we are Broken because we are Divorced, some of us chose this. I did and I’m happy I did. I look forward to what my new life brings me.

  • Having that special man in my life again. (Ok, I already have that)
  • Getting close to my friends again.
  • Making new friends.
  • Living life according to my rules and no one else’s.

This is my happy time and although I was scared if I could do it or not, I should never have doubted myself.

I am a Survivor-like so many others.

I got this.

And so can you!

Don’t Let Fear Stop You

If you’re in a toxic relationship and you stay because of fear, don’t. You are cheating yourself of a life that can be so much more. A You that can blossom into a woman/man you never thought possible.

There is life after Divorce, you just have to want it badly enough to reach out and take it.

Now, I want to know what you did your first week or two after absolute freedom! Let’s chat!


12 comments on The Calm After the Storm – Making it Yours

  1. Donna Merrill (@donna_tribe)
    February 21, 2018 at 12:05 pm (3 weeks ago)

    Hi Bren,
    Good for you!!! You remind me of my break up with my ex. The minute he left the house I re-painted everything. I re-arranged the furniture and fixed up the yard. I even got a dog (because he was too afraid one would bit him as he always yelled at me) What a sense of freedom, that I felt like I was walking on air.
    There were limitless opportunities after that divorce and I stuck out on my own free and prosperous. I can see that reflected in this article.
    You my friend have cleared that old energy and putting in your own positive energies. You have two best friends at your side and a new man…woo hoo.
    Wishing you all the happiness you deserve,

    • Bren
      March 13, 2018 at 7:33 pm (3 days ago)

      Hi Donna and thanks, girl!

      I know you know the feeling of relief and the sense of YOURS! It’s empowering, though bits can be scary, right? Like you, I knew what I did was right. Right for me and my happiness. It’s unfortunate that relationships can turn toxic and suck the living life right out of you.

      Thanks as always for your support, my friend! Power to both of us!


  2. Lisa_GrandmasBriefs
    February 21, 2018 at 4:21 pm (3 weeks ago)

    Congrats on making it work for you! I’m sure it’s a hard decision but it sounds like you made the absolute right one for you. You’re not broken… you’re brave! Cheers to continued roaring!

    • Bren
      March 13, 2018 at 7:34 pm (3 days ago)

      Hi Lisa,

      Divorce is never an easy decision for anyone, I can’t imagine. I appreciated your kind words. Brave is an understatement! 😉


  3. Cathy Lawdanski
    February 21, 2018 at 8:36 pm (3 weeks ago)

    Good for you! Applauding right now. It’s amazing the feeling of accomplishment you can have in doing the “little” things. Glad you are feeling positive & free.

    • Bren
      March 13, 2018 at 7:34 pm (3 days ago)

      Thanks, Cathy! No matter how little of thing it is, even like moving the sugar container from one counter to the other, it feels like a huge accomplishment! Thanks again!

  4. leannelc
    February 21, 2018 at 8:49 pm (3 weeks ago)

    I’m still with my husband through the ups and downs, but I confess to times when I imagine myself in my own place doing things my own way. I can imagine the sense of relief you would have felt when you finally moved on and took ownership of your life again Bren. I hope you keep linking up with us at #MLSTL because your journey is such an interesting one 🙂 I’ve shared this on my SM x

    • Bren
      March 13, 2018 at 7:36 pm (3 days ago)

      Hi Leanne,
      Kudos to you for keeping your marriage alive. Some can do it, others cannot. The biggest thing I know is that it takes TWO to keep it together. When one party isn’t willing and “checks out”, you need to put your life and happiness as a priority and do what it takes to keep YOU happy. That is what I did. Trust me, being single isn’t all it’s cracked up to be and can be lonely, but there are also some really good perks! 😉


  5. Denyse Whelan Blogs
    February 21, 2018 at 8:51 pm (3 weeks ago)

    I am glad you are finding the life you want now. I have not been through this as I remain 47 years happily married but both of my adult kids have. It is/has been painful for me to observe from afar but the grandkids are doing OK and that for me is essential. Warm wishes to you! Denyse

    • Bren
      March 13, 2018 at 7:37 pm (3 days ago)

      Hey Denyse! Thank you! Kudos to you too on a happy and long marriage! I’m sorry to hear about your children though. It’s unfortunate for the children. I appreciate your warm wishes and hope that your children can find love again, a lasting one.

  6. Christie Hawkes
    February 22, 2018 at 5:06 pm (3 weeks ago)

    I echo the others in saying congratulations on doing what is best for you. I asked for a divorce after 16 years of marriage. We had two teenage daughters at the time, and it was absolutely the hardest thing I have ever done, but it was the right choice for me. I have now been happily married to a much better match for 19 years. To be fair, I am also a better partner this time around. We live and we learn.

    • Bren
      March 13, 2018 at 7:39 pm (3 days ago)

      Hey Christie,

      Thank you for sharing your story. It’s amazing to hear people say “I divorced but am now remarried and the happiest I’ve ever been.” That gives people like myself hope, including your story. Wishing you many more years of wedded bliss!



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